Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Quotes by the Golden Dominatrix

'......If you can't lick me properly don't lick me at all.'

from the Great British Secret
by Pasha du Valentine
(c) Goddamn Media/Pasha du Valentine

Travelling like a Lonesome Cowboy, the Countess in Manchester

I was collected by a nice man in a car and braved the 4.5 hour car journey from Royal Clarence Marina to Manchester.

It was ok, I napped. I do love a nap.

I pulled out all suspicious life forms from my gluten free supper which included yellow gunge, onion, raw tomatoes, cooked tomatoes, weird shit and the wine (which tasted suspicious).

I have an early start at a local TV station so need to be extra especially beautiful and dominatrixy so imagine my glee when I find the bed at the Jury's Inn is warm as mama's heart, deep as a political activist, white as the Virgin Mary's dreams and big as my boobs before a period.

Life is grand tonight in Manchester.

Perfect pillows it has to be said

Saves on the washing up 

The Countess of Brighton and Hackney hits Manchester

Hello Manchester!

Complaining and becoming my Mother

I made an official complaint yesterday to my landlord and then to the police.

Look the police thing did not rest easy with my inner gangsta but the Housing Associating made me do it.

I have been getting high on the fumes that waft up form no 8 and I really hate the smell of skunk.
Once I shouted over the balcony but they just ignored me and I hate that.

I have, it seems, become my mother,

Sorry world.

Pasha du Valentine hits Manchester

I am off to Manchester later today and thought I should research things as I have not been passed Watford for many years. Apparently doing a degree in Edinburgh doesn't count as hanging up north as it is really another country.

It seems also that they have a football team! Here is a photo. I don't think she is in the main team, unless they are very modern and doing mixed sides already, but they seem awfully proud of all things footy up that way.

Apparently there is a Manchester City team as well but no one is talking about them so not sure what the story is there. No sexy pics, sorry. 

Well I will be hanging about idle tonight as my gig is not until the morning so hopefully I will get to see some sights. I will be the one taking annoying selfies every five steps.

Monday, 30 October 2017

#projectself by Pasha du Valentine #iamthephotographer


Junk Food Countess Style at Royal Clarence

I found the perfect gluten free junk fest! Smoked salmon and prawn crackers courtesy of Aldi no less. It didn't last long but was truly 'nom nom'

I get the blood test results on Wednesday to find out if I am Coeliac or just a batty fruitcake. I favour the latter if I am honest but just because IBS is often a physical response to an emotional issue it does not mean it isn't real for the sufferers.

I will let you know my regime for happiness in the junk food department as I update source new junk!

smoked salmon and prawn crackers 'nomnom'

Porn Doilies by Pasha du Valentine

Available as a Print

The Original available on the Saatchi site soon

Stickers on Redbubble by Pasha du Valentine and the search for wealth

When I make a sale on Redbubble they send a message of massive congratulations saying I am a creative superstar and someone from the USA or some distant place has chosen me out of millions to buy my work. You have to read the great long spiel before you get to the nitty gritty of the financial details.

This week I sold a few stickers all at a grand designer commission of 50p each!

It is a long way to financial stability yet Countess.

PASHA DU VALENTINE: The Instagram and Twitter Projects by Pasha du Val...

PASHA DU VALENTINE: The Instagram and Twitter Projects by Pasha du Val...: With my new found hatred of social media I find it hard to reconcile the projects but they do continue in the  background. They...

The Instagram and Twitter Projects by Pasha du Valentine

With my new found hatred of social media I find it hard
to reconcile the projects but they do continue in the 
background. They will run aground soon though so 
I will transfer the imagery and poems to here eventually.

Monday is a day off for Pasha du Valentine

With such a busy week ahead I decided to be lazy today and practice make up and pouting.

Everything is on hold till after Wednesday as I am working with ITV on a top secret show so please don't tell anyone.

Then I have another couple of Goddamn TV shows to produce and some jingles!

Friends will know that I have a five year career plan for achieving success and my first million. I am only a few months in but the hard work is paying off and I feel the rising success in my loins.

No time for romance and not much for partying to be honest but I am available for fast love as always.

Take no prisoners, Pasha x

Sunday, 29 October 2017

TV and Duvet Sunday with the Countess of Brighton and Hackney

I just watched Electric Dreams. Beautiful stories though the subtexts are better that the acting but still worth a watch.
And the party she went to at the start was just like one of mine at the BAC!

Excerpt from The Great British Secret (adult content) by Pasha du Valentine

He lay sleeping on the bed. It was a hot summer day, stifling in fact. There was a film of sweat on his upper lip and she wanted to taste it. The sheets were tussled and falling about his tight body. He looked peaceful and she wanted to take a photograph.

But she couldn't wait.

She mounted the bed and spread his legs firmly with her hands then forced them up and apart with her body weight. She climbed up his torso. He was waking so she picked up some speed putting her hand around his throat with just enough pressure to let him know she meant business.

He was still delirious from his deep sleep when she kissed him, tasted his salt, bit his lip with just the right amount of hurt and then penetrated him hard.

from the Great British Secret by Pasha du Valentine
(c) 2017 Goddamn Media/Pasha du Valentine

Pasha du Valentine the Mother in Law

It has finally dawned on me that I am probably one of those mothers in law!
The one that freaks everyone out.
I try not to be but it is really hard not to be ...

judgmental (approving)
domineering (experienced)
overbearing (managerial)
a nuisance (helpful)
advisory (wise)
and generally annoying (supportive)

Goddess forgive me, will try harder. Or will I?

Want to Share Your Bedroom Secrets on TV?

Have you a funny story about a sex toy?
Or a favourite toy you can't live without?

My new YouTube show The Great British Secret Kicked off the series with a candid chat about BDSM with the amazing Poppy and Kensington.

The next episode will be about sex toys.

I need people to share their stories funny sad erotic etc.

Please message if you fancy a bit of history making about the state of the nation


or drop a text 07845810180

I will get back to you asap.

Drunk Texting

I am the Queen of drunk texting but had the foresight to delete contacts. Also, I had so much vodka I couldn't see the phone. Result. I made it through.

The Countess at the Conservative Club

I had no trouble infiltrating the Conservative Club for the Halloween party. They had no idea a Corbynite was in their midst but they all noticed my hard core bondage shoes.

Look it was hardly Torture Garden but some had made an effort over the terrible costumes. (As a Poundland shopper myself....)

As nights out go I really enjoyed it. Yes mostly because of vodka but the company was great too
Also hours of entertainment not just from the cabaret star whose day job is in Morrison's on the checkout.
I am party to so much gossip.
Belle has a very rich husband which explains why she is gorgeous and he is less so.

Then there was a lady of rotund dimensions whose face has not fared so well who by day travels the length of breadth of the village in her mobility scooter and by night gyrates to the pleasure of not one but two lovers. I confess to some jealousy, apparently they often get to fisty cuffs over her personage.

I was lifted also after meeting a beautiful lady in her fifties with an equally beautiful Romanian boyfriend in his thirties.

Yes I was straight in there asking about his flat mates! I will keep you updated. 

A Skull Full of Vodka

I must thank whoever sent me this.

I guess it is by way of an apology but no idea who and after some thought decide on no less than 5 possibilities.


5 bitches who owe me a big fat sorry

Thanks whoever you are. I really like it.

Saturday, 28 October 2017

Notes on Sadness

I was thinking about sadness and the negative energy it places on the world psyche.

With a loved one incarcerated and feeling so low the energy his sadness creates is emanating louder and louder.

This is what happens in the world. We consider others because we must. Because without consideration we would fail as the human race.

At all cost, kindness and consideration must prevail.

Cruelty will be the demise of us all.

Saturday is for thought provoking pros with the Golden Dominatrix and literary friends

“S&M is as psychological as it is physical and sexual, Zach. Imagine being as deep inside a woman’s mind as you are inside her body.” ― Tiffany Reisz, The Siren

“Was this some new level of depravity? Had he developed a spinster fetish?” ― Lisa Kleypas, Married By Morning

Building the Music Studio at Royal Clarence Marina

I splashed out on a touch sensitive electric keyboard last week which I still haven't fully explored.
It currently lays wanton on my dining table.

I am moving the studio into the make up room at the palace in Royal Clarence as a music studio takes presedence, always.

I have all the radio kit already of course from Goddamn Media but still working on finding anything I can hit. strum or blow (oh stop it).

I wrote my first jingle already, in the bath amongst the bubbles of hope.

A Busy Diary

According to my diaries, a combination of social media and my mother, I have about ten events to go to tonight.

I get invited to all the best parties, probably because they know I won't actually go but will brag about them. I got another invite to an 'adult' one in Mayfair this morning. That's three adult invites in one week!

I have arrived then, life worth living and all that. One is never too old for an 'adult' party, especially with my level of expertise. Keep them coming. If you send a car I will probably actually attend. I never liked getting on a bus in my rubber chaps and cone bra.

I have decided tonight to go to the Conservative Club. You may recall that I went before and was visually outdone by a very beautiful Lady Boy and then outdanced by a large group of her friends who danced in unison to one of the cabaret singer's rare uptempo tunes. There was way too much Barbara Streisand and Bette Midler for my punky tastes.

And yet I go again.

Well the thing with politically affiliated clubs up and down the land is cheap drink. Yep, really really cheap. Around six measly squids a double! A gal who always buys her own considers her budget wisely.

Also I am researching for Still Breathing. Goddamn Media's new TV show about oral histories. I desperately need guests before they die.

Fashion idea for the Conservative Club

Friday, 27 October 2017

Hat Shopping

Life of Pi

Just watched Life of Pi and remembered why I wanted to be a film maker.

Life of Pi 
genius storytelling and worth a Friday night in

Facebook, the saga continues

Today Facebook (aka ShitBook) deleted some of my posts for spamming. The posts are from my blog and they are obviously miffed that I am not paying for ads.

I have stopped putting my nipples up and yet they want so much more. I hate Facebook. I have moved on from missing it to the hate phase. I think forgiveness is next, or regret maybe that I gave it ten years of my life.

If I ever meet Mark Zoobertwatwhateverhisnameis I will ask him about his motives for creating a banal portal that fed emptiness and disappointment to the masses whilst stifling any kind of human creativity or social enlightenment.

What a twat! I blame him entirely.

Confucius said (he was a bit of a twat too it turns out as he was another misogynist) that if you are clever and powerful you owe it to the human race to advance it, or something along those lines.

Have I got to do everything myself?

Notes on Sex by the Golden Dominatrix

I note that there are various motives for achieving satisfaction in a BDSM liaison.

Personally the total trust that a sub puts in me at the point of my total domination is a massive stimulant. physically and emotionally.

I like to smell fear and pleasure mixed, I can smell it on their breath, I can taste it on their lips.
I like to see goosebumps on their buttocks. And then I like the surprise at what happened next always betrayed by the sounds they let out of their mouths, the one's they have no control over.

from the Great British Secret
by Pasha du Valentine
(c) 2017 Goddamn Media/Pasha du Valentine

De La Mare Investments and Reality TV

De La Mare Investments is relaunching the on line business after a shaky start around websites and selling portals and boredom.

Look I hate building websites!

Also I am bored of bad art and have persuaded the brethren to move into posters. I am a bit of a poster expert it turns out and we can all expect a range of vintage and modern rare wall art.

Much more exciting!

I am also relieved that I can post things in a tube rather than glass frames which have proved a nightmare to transport especially to the USA who provide customers of taste and financial reward....they got dollar and they want my paper stuff.

I am off to do a reality TV show next week (secret at the moment) which takes up a lot of preparation time as I have to look chic and sleek and like I actually know what I am doing.

Meantime I have cancelled all engagements in London and Brighton which is a bid of a shame as, amongst others, I was invited to the Resistance Gallery tonight for a very special birthday party. Trouble with London is I always have to book a hotel and I loath hotels. So happy birthday to Max Deviant who of course owns FAB, a fetish store in London.

All the wipe clean and buckles are a treat.....and that is just Max's pyjamas.

Thursday, 26 October 2017

Cannes is for Christmas in full character as the Golden Dominatrix

Catherine Robbe-Grillet is most famous dominatrix in France and 
supposedly the 'world's oldest'

Mother and I are spending Christmas in Cannes.

I am brushing up my French using Google Translate and have committed these short statements to memory.

Où puis-je trouver le magasin de vodka le plus proche s'il vous plaît?

Where do I find the nearest vodka shop please?

Bien sûr, j'ai apporté mon cas de fouets, de gags et de strapons

Of course I brought my case of whips gags and strap ons

Je ne peux pas trouver mes culottes.

I cannot find my knickers.

The French seem to use more words than we do....or more letters....It is hard going but my accent is spot on!
I was told by a Frenchman once that the worse the accent, the sexier the message.

And as I said to him in my sexiest bad French accent having whipped his arse red raw...

Au revoir vous petit pot de sexe.
Goodbye you little sex pot.

What do you do Pasha du Valentine?

I hate that question!
I used to like saying I was just a housewife, but that was when I had four kids and no husband and it was clearly said with an element of sarcasm.

I can no longer say that with any effect or conviction and besides my house is a place of creative chaos rather than organised houewifery.

So now I try to get it all in a nut shell which is almost impossible.
Things get lost in translation....especially on Tinder, which I deleted of course due to too many problems. The endless typing to explain who or what I was gave me trigger finger.

what I say                                                     
I am an artist
what they think
unemployed with mental health issues

what I say
I am a dominatrix performance artist and hen party teacher
what they think
escort who will dominate me for free

what I say
I'm a musician
what they think
aging karaoke wannabe

what I say
I am a writer
what they think
Oh God one of them

what I say
I have two degrees
what they think
bitch who is up herself

Pasha du Valentine 
artist and writer

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